


Dance Off

by asgardiandrums



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Crack, M/M, utterly meaningless crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 14:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asgardiandrums/pseuds/asgardiandrums
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>King Holmes is in need of someone else to rule his kingdom with. The two finalist are one Sir Watson and Sir Moriarty</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dance Off

**Author's Note:**

> Also titled "The Great Erotic Dance Off", I wrote it for a friend who was having a bad day, and it got a little out of hand... lol
> 
> enjoy

Once upon a time, there was a king. King Holmes, as his people called him, was having a great dance off. He needed someone else to rule his kingdom with.  
Through out the completion, two opponents remained, Sir James Moriarty and Sir John Hamish Watson. Sir Moriarty was evil. He wanted to win, so he could kill King Holmes and rule himself. No one knew of this evil plot but Sir Watson. Sir Watson was a talented rodeo cowboy. He had many gold star, horse shoe, horse, and lasso belt buckles. He also had a secret passion for dance. He knew of Sir Moriarty's secret, and being the only one left, Sir Watson had to best Sir Moriarty. For the good of the kingdom, of course. Not at all for the king. Why would you think that?  
The day of the Great Dance Off, the king announced a plot twist.  
"This completion has been a rough one," he began. "We need a little fun for the finale! This final dance shall be an erotic dance! Anything goes."  
The ladies in the crowd cheered. A good number of men whistled as well. A few ladies got up and left. Claiming they were "preserving their modesty." But everyone knew that wasn't it.  
Sir Moriarty smiled evilly at Sir Watson. Sir Watson panicked. He didn't fear the dance. He feared what Sir Moriarty would do. This man had no morals.  
"You have one day to prepare!" King Holmes said, before turning to leave.

THE FOLLOWING DAY

"Good luck, Sir Watson," Sir Moriarty said, same evil grin as the day before. "Pity if you lost."  
Sir Watson threw a blanket over his machanical bull and turned to answer him.  
"Oh I don't think I'll be the one losing," Sir Watson said.  
Sir Moriarty smirked and walked toward a box being pulled by horses.  
"We'll see about that!" he said, hopping on the back, tipping his hat to Sir Watson.  
Sir Watson shook his head and turned to hitch up his horses, only to find King Holmes behind him.  
"Oh! Your Magisty!" he said, bowing.  
"No need to bow, John." King Holmes said.  
Him and Sir Watson have a history. Before King Holmes became King Holmes, he was a rebellious prince. Unwanting the throne, he ran away to the city of London, where he met Sir Watson. They shared a flat together, until King Holmes older brother, The Duke of Addlestone (Mycroft), found him.  
"I'm really glad you're in the final round," King Holmes said.  
"Sherlock," Sir Watson began. "Sir Moriarty had an evil plot."  
"To over throw me yes I know," King Holmes said, looking over Sir Watson's shoulder.  
Sir Watson shook his head and chuckled, "You never cease to amaze me."  
King Holmes looked Sir Watson in the eye, " You have to win."  
"For the good of the kingdom," Sir Watson said.  
King Holmes nodded, but something pulled in his chest. He really like Sir Watson.  
"Yes," the king whispered. "Well I should go."  
He brushed past Sir Watson, and headed for the stadium.  
"Oooo lookie!" Sir Moriarty appeared out of no where. "King's got a favorite!" He leaned into Sir Watson's ear and whispered, "I'm sooooo jealous! Wonder what would happen if you died..."  
Sir Moriarty blew a kiss to Sir Watson, and sauntered off.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! PEASANTS AND BUISSNESS MEN!" The Duke of Addlestone announced. "We are about to start! First up, Sir Moriarty!"  
Stayin' Alive blasted out of the speakers. Sir Moriarty came out sitting in a giant glass box, on a throne, wearing only the Crown Jewels, a crown, and a cape. He was holding the scepter across his lap.  
"Oh God," King Holmes complained and rubbed his face with his hand.  
Sir Moriarty stood up and starting dancing around his little glass cage. He began to shake his ass in time to the high notes when the music stopped and changed to Save a Horse Ride A Cowboy. Sir Watson appeared from the other side of the stadium riding a machanical bull, pulled by horses. He was wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and red lace panties. He hopped off his bull, and strutted toward Sir Moriarty's box. He had a fire extinguisher, and a sharpie in his hand. With his free hand, he tossed his hat in King Holmes direction and gave him a wink. The crowd went wild. Upon reaching Sir Moriarty's box, Sir Watson took the sharpie and on one side wrote "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy". He danced around to the second side and wrote "xoxo hun". Dancing to the third side, he wrote "Guess who's the favorite". On the side facing King Holmes, Sir Watson "Watch out" so Sir Moriarty could read it. Sir Watson threw the sharpie to the side, shook his ass to the music, and grabbed the fire extinguisher. He took the piece of gum he was chewing out and stuck it to the box. He pulled a diamond stud off his black cowboy boots, and stuck it in the gum, so that it touched the glass. Right as the song ended, he swig the fire extinguisher at the diamond, and shattered the glass.  
The song changed to Single Ladies, and Sir Moriarty was speechless. Sir Watson Beyonce danced his way into the box, and grabbed Sir Moriarty's hand, pulling the ring off his finger. Sir Moriarty tried to fight back, but Sir Watson dug the heal of his boot into Sir Moriarty's foot. Sir Watson jumped out of the box, turned, and threw Sir Moriarty a kiss, and the middle finger. The crowd erupted in cheers.  
Sir Watson ran up the stairs to where the Holmes family was seated. Once he reached King Holmes, the song had reached the perfect line. Getting on his knees, Sir Watson lip synced, "Your love is what I deserve, what I prefer. What I deserve."  
The crowd began chanting, "JOHNLOCK! JOHNLOCK!"  
King Holmes took the ring from Sir Watson and slid it on his left ring finger. He pulled Sir Watson up, and into a kiss. The song stuttered and briefly changed to "Why Don't We Just Dance". The crowd awed and cheered. Sir Moriarty was taken under arrest by one Knight Lestrade. Sir Watson, now King Watson, and King Holmes stood before their people and waved, the way royals do, hand in hand.

Epilouge  
And so, King Holmes and King Watson ruled the Kingdom of England for 60 years, hand in hand. It's said that their rule was the golden age of the kingdom.


End file.
